Not So Secret Admirer
by furryewokazon
Summary: So was the start of Santana's very first Valentine's Day knowing that she was well and truly alone. Written before 'Silly Love Songs' based on vague spoilers for that episode.


Santana Lopez had never experienced the misfortune of being alone on the most romantic day of the year. Naturally the measure of affection received would differ from year to year but there was never any doubt that she would always be guaranteed at least one Valentine's Day card. This was because Brittany always remembered Valentine's Day.

It was in Santana's character to always remember things as well. She had too much riding on her keeping her head- the popularity and her reputation; that it would not do to let her guard down for a second… even for a particular blonde friend of hers that was far more often than not too adorable not to touch. But high school corridors have too many judgemental eyes- all hell bent on bringing down one of the most popular cheerleaders in school at even the slightest slip in their facade. So Santana had made it a priority to always remember where she was and to never ever let her guard down.

It meant that her annual feign that she had merely "forgotten" that it was V Day when faced with an enthused Brittany brandishing yet another card for her collection, was always without any doubt a complete and utter lie. Santana didn't "just forget" things… she merely remembered that it was important that she forget. And it wasn't like she didn't appreciate Brittany's attentiveness- she still had every single card that Brit had ever given her, even the ones from back in the days when Santana could afford to give her one straight back and it didn't have to _mean_anything.

_Brittany._

It was to thoughts of her leggy best friend that Santana woke to with a smile on her face that Valentine's Day. In her still sleepy haze she rolled over and reached out for the blonde beside her only to find the bed sheets cold and sobering.

Brittany wasn't there.

And Santana remembered… Brittany hadn't been there in a long time.

So was the start of Santana's very first Valentine's Day knowing that she was well and truly alone.

Not that she wasn't already alone yesterday, or the day before that either… the stupid romantic holiday just brought the fact home for her; Brittany was dating Artie now. Brittany who she'd always taken for granted to remember Valentine's Day and who without fail always had a Valentine card for her, for the first time since she could remember, wouldn't be hers.

To say that the thought unsettled Santana was an understatement. It was enough to make her jump out of bed and start riffling around underneath it for that old shoe box containing all of the cards Brittany had ever given her. The familiar sign off always made her feel better…

_'From your secret admirer (it's me Brittany!)'_

It was so like Brittany. So like Brittany to be unable to keep her devotion, admiration and adoration for Santana a secret even in a silly card. She'd just wanted Santana to know. And Santana had taken it all for granted. And now her Brittany was gone.

Santana knew what she had to do. She had to make things right. She had to get through to Brittany and make her see how much she missed her. To put it simply she needed to get her Brittany back.

But getting Brittany back wasn't as simple as say- dealing with Puck; she couldn't just saunter up to her and whisper something suggestive in her ear and expect the girl to just comply based on teenage libido alone- that may have worked back when sex wasn't dating; back before Brittany even seemed interested in dating. But Santana had seen it with her own eyes; Brittany enjoyed dating. Brittany enjoyed being paraded about and openly appreciated. She enjoyed being special to someone and while her and Artie weren't perfectly matched, Brittany was obviously getting enough from him to keep her happy.

Brittany was getting from Artie those things that Santana didn't quite give her enough of- even some of which Santana wasn't so sure she was ready to give even now- especially in public. But she had to try for something because she knew that when she was ready, for Brittany she would be the one who could do it _best._

So Santana grabbed a piece of paper and some crayons from her desk where Brittany had sat and written her report on heart attacks so many weeks ago and she began making a Valentine's card for Brittany.

She drew dolphins and ducks and rainbows and _everything _she could think of that screamed 'Brittany' … and the world be damned if it wasn't going to be the best darn card that Brittany had ever seen.

Santana spent so long making sure that the card was so disgustingly perfect that she was late to school.

By the time Santana actually made it onto the grounds of McKinley she had decided on her plan of attack. She had to get Brittany alone and give her the card in person to make sure her gesture was understood. Getting Brittany alone however was a task in itself these days, now that she was constantly pushing Wheels around. But there was one thing about Brittany that Santana was sure her relationship with Artie couldn't change- or rather that which Coach Sylvester would allow it to change- Brittany was the Cheerios' best fund raiser on Valentine's Day due to her repeat performances at the kissing booth two years running. Sue Sylvester would have posed enough threats over her future in the Cheerios that Brittany would have felt the pressure to make her third consecutive appearance at this year's booth no matter how Artie may have felt about the situation.

The kissing booth was probably her best chance of getting Brittany alone.

Santana's heart was pounding as she rounded the corner to the busy Quad and was met with a sea of students all hanging about being ridiculously mushy with one another. A line to match that of a Cheerios tryout was already forming, snaking around the clumps of students and leading up to a makeshift stage where a tacky booth had been erected. Santana had to roll her eyes, she knew for a fact that Brittany was a great kisser but this was a little ridiculous. Santana studied the faces of those in the line closest to her- they were all textbook losers who wouldn't have ever stood a legit chance of making out with Brittany. The idea of Brittany being coerced into kissing the lamest people in school was enough to make Santana's blood boil. She started shoving her way through the crowd only stopping when she spied the members of the Glee Club sitting together nearby. For a mismatched group who claimed to dislike each other so much, they certainly spent a sickening amount of time hanging out together. Artie was there too but this only fuelled Santana's fire – since he didn't have to buy kisses from Brittany any more. He got his for free.

"Where's Brittany?" She wouldn't have recognised her own voice if it hadn't come straight from her own throat. It was gruff and direct. She meant business.

"The fun hasn't started yet," Man Hands offered chirpily, completely oblivious to Santana's internal struggle._'Fun'_, Santana could only assume was supposed to mean the kissing. "Brittany's up in position."

Santana spared a glance at Artie to see if she could gauge how he was feeling. He looked terrified and she realised it was entirely because of her- he was scared at the idea that she, _Santana Lopez_, was seeking out his woman.

He was threatened by her; threatened by the power of Santana.

That knowledge empowered her far more than it should have; of course she was better than him- but it was all the encouragement she needed at that time. She smirked dangerously at him as she turned on her heel and started making a beeline straight for the stage; straight for Brittany. She was sure she saw Puck pumping the air with his fist out of the corner of her eye.

She shoved as many queue members as she could as she forced her way to the front of the line all the while brandishing her trademark glare. Word spread quickly among the masses that a "jealous and territorial" Santana was on a rampage and she even saw a few kids who must have camped out for such a prime position at the front of the line actually bolt upon making eye contact with her- probably in fear for their lives.

She ignored the whistles and catcalls as she climbed the stairs. There was no turning back now, she had come this far…

Santana stepped inside the booth, turning her back on the one face she really needed to see if only to calm her down. She reached for the curtains to shut the roaring crowd out- she had made enough of a public display for one day that she deserved a bit of privacy now. She sent one last glare out into the masses as the curtains shut, a final warning to anyone who even thought about eavesdropping.

"Santana?"

Her voice was soft and confused with just the perfect hint of amusement. Brittany was clearly just as surprised at her appearance as the Santana of yesterday would have been if anyone had told her what she was going to do the very next day.

Santana took a deep breath and turned to face her beloved- though absent of late- best friend.

Santana was a ball of nerves. Gone was the passion and danger of only a moment ago and in its place stood a nervous wreck. She was pretty sure her palms were sweating and _that _was something Santana Lopez did not do. That was the thing about Brittany- she affected her in a way no one else could and she hadn't even looked at her properly yet.

"Look Brit, I know we'v- oomph" Santana couldn't even finish her lame attempt at an explanation because suddenly Brittany was throwing herself at her.

And then Brittany kissed her.

Santana couldn't think straight- not that she wanted to be thinking about anything other than how amazing it felt to have Brittany's soft womanly body pressed so firmly against hers once more, with her candy flavoured lips peppering hot open mouthed kisses along her own. Santana was so startled by the surprise attack that she almost forgot to respond but it didn't take her body long to fall back into old habits and before she even realised what she was doing one of her hands had found the back of Brittany's neck pulling her in while the other was already under the taller Cheerio's skirt squeezing a toned arse cheek.

Brittany's giggle died on Santana's lips as the Latina quickly took back control of the kiss, opening her mouth to lick playfully at the other girl's tongue.

_This _was the Brittany she knew. This was familiar territory.

Eventually they were forced to come up for air and Santana was left panting hotly as she pressed her forehead against Brittany's enjoying the way that Brittany's fingers were still digging deeply into her hips holding her close. Santana was scared to open her eyes in case it wasn't really happening.

"Mmm… how many tokens did you buy? Cause that was really fun…" Brittany asked in her husky bedroom voice.

The question itself was enough to snap Santana out of her sex- addled daze. She opened her eyes and pulled back slightly to look at Brittany.

"Tokens?" Santana returned quizzically. _Surely she didn't mean…?_

Santana saw what could only be described as 'alarm', overtake Brittany's features as she stepped away from Santana enforcing a safe distance between them.

"I don't have any tokens Brittany." Santana said very slowly. She would have been more offended if the blonde didn't seem to be freaking out so much. "What's the big deal?"

"It's a kissing booth Santana. You get a kiss in exchange for a token!" Brittany was on the verge of all out panic.

"I told you I don't have any tokens!" Santana didn't mean to raise her voice but the way Brittany was now pacing around the enclosed space was really beginning to unsettle her.

"Then I need to take it back," Brittany decided to be the best solution.

"Take what back?" Santana was confused.

"The kiss," Brittany announced as though it should have been obvious.

Santana's mouth dropped open. Never mind that what Brittany was suggesting was physically impossible but that she would even suggest such a thing was like a slap in the face.

"Well you can't have it!" Santana parried as she folded her arms and tried to look formidable even though inside she felt like sulking a little.

"You don't understand Santana, I **need **that kiss back," Brittany pushed again more forcefully.

It was a little unfair that in all this tense talk about taking kisses back that all Santana could think about was kissing Brittany again. Brittany seemed to clue in to Santana's train of thought and buried her head in her hands, shaking it repeatedly too for good measure.

"Brit?" Santana hesitated, reaching out to touch the girl's shoulder and was relieved when she didn't pull away. "You're right, I don't understand. Why does it matter so much that I don't have a token?"

"Cause kissing without tokens is adulteration," Brittany muttered through her hands.

Santana was a little taken back- hearing Brittany say that phrase tone perfect to how she used to repeat Santana's own motto 'Sex is not dating', told her the issue here loud and clear.

_Artie.__  
><em>  
>Brittany was worried about Artie finding out. Artie must have stressed loud and clear to Brittany that if she was going to go through with her shift at the kissing booth then it had to be done by his rules. That had to be it- Brittany wouldn't have come up with the word 'adulteration' all on her own.<p>

"Does Artie want to see all the tokens you collect?" Santana asked gently as she pulled the girl's hands away from her face. "As proof that you are not cheating on him?"

"He's counting how many people come in here and… -and if I don't have enough tokens, he'll know I've cheated on him." Brittany gushed with the saddest look Santana had ever seen on her face.

The moisture in Brittany's eyes was killing Santana. It was unfair that Coach Sylvester had placed this much pressure on Brittany and that Artie had only made her feel worse about doing what she felt she had to by threatening her with guilt.

But what gutted Santana the most about the whole situation was how much Brittany _cared_ about **not **cheating. For so long Santana had been content to just use Brittany whenever she got the urge, but that never stopped her from fulfilling those urges elsewhere at the same time. She always just assumed that Brittany was as promiscuous as she… she never asked how Brittany felt about being shared. Staring at the upset girl in front of her Santana was willing to guess that Brittany would have wanted nothing else but to have been Santana's _only _squeeze.

Santana was having a hard enough time believing that she could have ever truly wanted anything other than the crumpled girl in front of her either.

She certainly was struggling with the idea of sharing her now.

And she wasn't even _hers_.

"What do you want me to do Brit?" Santana conceded knowing that all she wanted now was to make the girl feel better- whatever it took. "I mean, people know I'm in here. They saw me come in. They're going to jump to their own conclusions about what we're doing…"

That got Brittany's attention. Brittany looked at her as though realising for the first time what Santana's being there actually meant- _publically._

"What **_are _**you doing here, San?" She questioned almost suspiciously.

Santana blushed. This was it; the crux of why she was so nervous to speak to Brittany in the first place, before the whole spontaneous make out incident which had only made matters more complicated between them.

"I've missed you," Santana admitted quietly.

"But I saw you yesterday at Glee Club," Brittany reminded her.

"No…" she sighed. "I've missed _you_. I've missed _us_."

Santana was pleading with her eyes that Brittany would understand. Since Brittany had started dating Artie things hadn't been the same between them… and it wasn't just because they weren't having sex anymore. They hardly even spoke to each other any more.

"Well I'm with Artie now," Brittany mumbled in a defeated voice.

"I miss my best friend."

_I miss my best friend who was in love with me._

Brittany looked sad again– and admittedly a little confused as though having some internal debate with herself, and while Santana thought that at least it was for the right reasons this time… she didn't enjoy being the reason that Brittany wasn't broadcasting that trademark grin of hers to the world. Not when it was in her ability to get it back.

"I'll just say that nothing happened. I came in here to talk to you and we didn't kiss. I'll deny it to any one who says otherwise." _There, you can have your kiss back._It hurt Santana's pride, but the idea of hurting Brittany was worse.

Brittany was now looking at her as though seeing her for the first time. No doubt she was struggling with her own thoughts on the situation; there was a time not long ago when she would have given anything for Santana to stand up in front of the whole school and admit to kissing her… and now here she was asking for the exact opposite because it would keep her boyfriend happy.

What a cruel twist of fate.

Santana realised that Brittany wasn't going to say anything. Her face showed gratitude at Santana's words but there was still sadness in her eyes for something Santana could not put her finger on. She realised there was no better time than the present to give Brittany her Valentine's card.

"Er, so it's Valentine's Day…" Santana began a little awkwardly. She was admittedly well out of practice when it came to actually giving someone a Valentine's card- so used to being on the receiving end only.

She reached behind her back and under her skirt fishing around rather awkwardly for the card she'd made and hidden inside her spanks. It was quite an effort considering there was not much room to hide anything under those Cheerios uniforms. Brittany clearly had no idea what she was doing and her eyes bugged out a little at the provocative display Santana was unknowingly putting on.

"And now more than ever… I wanted to give you this…" Santana announced as she finally pulled the homemade card free of its hiding place and presented it to Brittany.

Brittany took it from her like it was the most precious thing in the world. The look on her face told Santana that she had not seen this possibility coming by a long shot. She even appeared to be having a hard time believing it, blinking repeatedly with wide eyes as she tried to take in all the silly colours and shapes that Santana had drawn only for her.

"This is worth a thousand kisses," Brittany exclaimed in awe.

Santana mentally kicked herself for not giving Brittany a card every year- if she'd known that _this _was the reaction she'd have got for something so simple and easy, she probably would have tried harder.

"Not to Artie," Santana reminded her before the blonde could get too carried away and do something she'd regret. The card may have meant everything to Brittany but she was still with Artie. And as much as Santana would have loved to have shimmied in front of Artie with Brittany attached to her face; she knew that would not have been the way Brittany would've preferred it to go down.

"Right," Brittany nodded biting her lip. If she had been thinking about showing Santana what she really thought of the card, she was reminded that perhaps now was not the best time.

"Read it," Santana encouraged, almost shyly.

Santana hadn't known what to write inside. She figured that she would do a better job telling Brittany to her face how she felt than any message in a card could do. And she'd done that- she told Brittany that she's missed her. So there was nothing inside but a simple but effective sign off:

_'From your secret admirer- only, I don't think I want to keep it a secret any more.'_

Brittany stood staring at the card for a long time, no doubt making sure that she was reading it and_understanding_it correctly.

She opened her mouth a few times to say something- anything… but no sound came out until a very soft and unsure,

"San?" But even Brittany wasn't sure what she was asking.

They stood in silence for a bit longer just smiling warmly at each other until Santana's conscience got the better of her and she remembered where she was… and if the claim that she and Brittany had not just been doing the nasty this entire time was ever going to be believed then their alone time would have to be cut short.

"You know Brit, I really wish that you didn't have to do this stupid kissing booth thing. That kiss before… you know the one that _didn't _happen," Santana threw in cheekily and was rewarded with a giggle from Brittany before continuing, "I don't like the idea of you kissing all those people out there like that."

It was as close to an admittance of jealousy that Santana could muster.

"I don't kiss any one but you like that, San." Brittany stated earnestly. There was something in that declaration that told her that perhaps Artie wasn't quite getting all of _her _Brittany after all.

Santana turned and left on that note, feeling as though she'd been through an emotional wringer. Once again she ignored the whistles and cat calls as she re-emerged from the booth and turned to walk away from the crowd as soon as she got to the bottom of the stairs, choosing to save all of the drama and confrontations for later. They were sure to come.

Brittany had seemed _overwhelmed _to say the least, by all that had happened in the kissing booth over such a short amount of time. She would have a lot to think about now, and Santana was satisfied with the knowledge that order had been restored… now that Brittany would be once again thinking of her on Valentine's Day.

For her first Valentine's Day alone, it actually didn't pan out all that bad for Santana. In fact as the day progressed it was proving to be a day that was full of pleasant surprises that actually left Santana feeling pretty good about her self. Santana didn't receive as many lewd comments as she'd feared and the only hounding she did receive was from Sue Sylvester when word got out that Brittany had done a runner from her posting at the kissing booth immediately after speaking to her. Nothing could wipe the smile off her face at this news- not even the amount of crunches Sue had made her do as punishment.

But then the very best surprise of the day was waiting on her bed when she finally got home that afternoon. Santana took in the sight of her bedroom floor littered with masses of scrunched up pieces of paper, torn up scraps and broken crayons. It looked like _someone _had spent hours trying (and failing) to make a card that could even come close to rivalling the one that Santana herself had made earlier that day.

And then Santana saw it- or rather her asleep on her bed; Santana's very own Valentine's card in the form of her best friend with the words **'**_**SHOW ME' **_written clearly in permanent marker across her stomach. Brittany had evidently become so frustrated with her inability to make Santana a good enough card that she had opted in the end to make herself into the card instead. Brittany didn't know it yet, but there was nothing in the world that could be any more perfect to Santana than that.

And so it was that Brittany continued her _perfect _streak of always remembering Valentine's Day- or rather of always remembering her on Valentine's Day.

Santana had to chuckle to herself as she watched the girl sleep; she sure was going to have a hard time keeping this particular card hidden away in a shoebox under her bed.

_fin._


End file.
